| | PLEASE help me: I'm 16 and need a nose job?
I know this is a lot, but if you would please read..
I had a straight normal nose until I was 11..it grew a huge, bulbous tip. There is so much fat that when I smile it is pushed to the side of my face. I also have a bump in it to at the bridge. It's a mess and people frequently comment on the weird shape.
However, don't be mistaken, I don't care what other people think, but when I hate it myself and I have other people's awareness and dislike for it confirming what I see, I feel like s***.
I feel so ugly. So ugly. I haven't been able to look in the mirror and smile and be happy since it grew. I have spent everyday the past 5 years hating my face and having no confidence. It throws off my entire face and makes me ugly. I have average features I'd be happy with if I didn't have what feels like the statue of liberty coming out of my face.
When you feel ugly and unsatisfied with the way you look it feels like you hate half of yourself. I'm a teenage girl- I love to dress up and go shopping for clothes and do my hair. But I can't do those things because I feel ugly.
The ugly feeling affects so much. I get anxious and don't go under fluorescent light because of how it emphasizes my nose. I dont turn to the side when I'm around people, because I don't want them to see my profile. However it doesn't help much when your nose is ugly from the side and front, so I never look anyone in the eye- I don't have the confidence too. I hate being around people because I have no confidence.
Recently I dropped out of school into homeschooling because of this. I've left my house less than 10 times in the past 6 months. I don't have any desire to go out because I don't want to present myself to the world. I miss my friends and I hate being inside all day, but it feels better than being around people.
My mom insists I have a mental illness. I don't. I think rationally and logically..I never do anything rash or impulsive. I have stable friendships and I'm never in drama. I have goals and a realistic view on life. I want to work hard in school and have the confidence to do things like join a club or team, or go out with my friends. She doesn't understand. She doesn't care about her appearance and she can't process the fact that it's different for me, and it physically hurts. It hurts me to feel ugly, worse than anything else. I just want to cry and feel my throat tighten up everytime I'm reminded of how ugly I feel.
Of course I have other flaws, I am aware of them, and I can accept them. I have no plans or thoughts of any other surgery other than a rhinoplasty. Like I said, I am not mentally ill and a potential surgery addict. I'm not striving for perfection, just to be satisfied.
The typical advice I get is accept it, who cares, wait till you're 18. People don't understand that of course I've tried to accept it! But it doesn't work. I can't be dishonest with myself. I don't want to wait until I am 18 as I am about to start my sophomore year and this stress literally consumes my life. I struggle in school because I'm not focused and feel exhausted just waking up and facing the mirror every morning. It just feels pointless, and I'm at such a vital part of my life where I need to be setting myself up for college. I want to so badly do a program at my local college which will allow me to graduate with my AA- however with this stress I just can't. I can't get up and go to a college and do all this work when I have this feeling that never stops and just depresses me.
My mom has made me go to a psychiatrist and meet with a grief counselor. The psychiatrist put me on an antidepressant which didn't work, as I'm not depressed for no reason, and even though I told her everything here, I could tell she was biased towards surgery and basically gave up on me. The grief counselor said it was a good idea to meet with a surgeon and just talk, but my mom didn't buy it. That was the last time we met with her, because she said I showed no signs of me needing her help.
My mom doesn't want whats best for me: she wants what she wants, and she doesn't want me to get plastic surgery. She can not deny this, because her "solutions" have not worked, and instead of after months of me taking stupid pills and being treated as mentally disturbed, she won't even talk to a surgeon over the phone and discuss if these are normal feelings, and if a rhinoplasty would help in the surgeon's opinion. Instead, she wants me to tell this all to my pediatrician and if all else fails get me hospitalized. It's hard not to hate her when this feeling of being so ugly is so omnipresent and horrible already, but to be treated like this so unfairly makes me wanna die. I don't have a mother that cares about me. Not because she won't get me a nose job, but because she sees me everyday in this pain and just because she can't understand it, she won't explore all possible solutions, instead she just wants to send me away because it makes her too tired. I'm ugly and alone.
Do you have any ideas of what to do? Do you/did you feel the same way as me, and if you went through with a rhinoplasty did your feelings change? I am thinking of printing replies out to show her I'm not mentally ill and the only person who feels this way. Please help me, I don't know what to do.