littleturtle

what's jawbone sx? lol no way i'm waxing my eyebrows. i do clean them up
though a bit though with tweezers. i am trying to clear my complexion right
now. i don't think my acne is that severe, so i only use benzoyl peroxide at
night and then moisturize 10 minutes later before i sleep. in the morning i
wash my face with this neutrogena face wash that's supposed to remove
blackheads (dunno if have those but i use that anyway). then i put on this
neutrogena acne stress control moisturizer that has salycic acid in it.

i'm 19 years old.. as for my feelings, i really do have a lot of pain inside.
i've never fully opened up to anyone ever, just one time with my mom (when i
told her of my plans on getting plastic surgery) and another friend of mine. i
have asked my mom if i could see a psychiatrist before and she said she would
take me to one, but i changed my mind. i decided i didn't want to open up and
tell some stranger about my problems and have him sit there listening for hours
trying to analyze me pretending he cared, till i hand him a check at the end and
he sends me on my way.. i already know what i have to do anyway..

i've always been a shy kid, even back before when i wasn't ugly (believe it or
not i was cute as a kid). i'd only surround myself with a group of people and never
really sought out anymore people than that. there was this one year (in 6th grade)
when i was so full of confidence though. i don't exactly know why i was that way that
one year but i remember how happy i was. i did everything with confidence
and everything i did seemed so natural. i was never worried about making a fool out
of myself or hesitating to speak. i did so well in school and my teacher even said
i was the smartest kid in the class (over this other student who went to gifted school).
then i remember girls started calling me "chubby butt" during recesses and i think that
may have started my problems with girls.

high school started and my whole social problem really started to grow, i didn't know it
at the time though. i remember being scared to just get on the bus to go to school. i felt
like the whole world was staring at me. to make it worse i was fat back then, to the point
where you couldn't recognize my jawline at all. i had a few incidents where i'd catch
someone staring at me or some random stranger would just call me ugly and i'd do my best
to brush it off. i had ZERO confidence in myself. i could never look people in the eye.
i felt awkward EVERYWHERE. that alone really messed me up. i play basketball and i never had the chance to develop as a player because of that. i remember being just as good or even better than most of the kids on the ball team during lunch time, but when it came to playing with everyone watching... i couldn't play to my full potential because i was scared with people watching me. i loved winter cause that's the only time i could wear a hoody and hide myself from the rest of the world.

as for my social skills, i had next to none. like in grade school, i made my
group of friends then shut everyone else out. i can remember having so many people
ask me why i was so quiet. teachers would always notice it and they'd always ask me about it.
when other kids (outside of my circle) would try and conversate with me i'd always let them
do all the talking. i've even had people (even to this day) i've only met comment on how
i need to talk more. i was an introvert and never seeked socializing with people.
it's actually funny how you said i need to smile... i remember my
english teacher in 12th grade telling me the same thing lol.

girls... i never talked to girls unless they spoke to me (then i would only let them do all
the talking), or if i was drunk. it's funny how those same girls that used to make fun of me
and call me "chubby butt" back in grade school would always ask me why i never talked.

it sucks that throughout the so-called "best years of my life", i was basically a walking zombie.


anyways...


i've only realized all this the past year when people began questioning me more often why i was
so weird. i guess it's a good thing i've finally let my pride aside and stop hiding from the truth.
i'm weird cause i'm scared of the world. i'm ugly and don't feel like a part of society, and it's not
my fault because that's the way i've been treated. people do indeed treat good looking people better,
there's no question about it and as much as i hate to admit it, i'm no different. it's proven good
looking people lead better lives. i'm going to be treated unfairly my whole life looking like this.
I AM NOT trying to look like zac efron... i get the idea you guys think i'm some kinda dude who's
overly-obsessive with looks who's trying to be something he's not. i just want to have more confidence
in myself and be able to live life without worrying about people judging me, and being scared to
talk to socialize in fear of getting that "look" and feeling like sh!t.

i hope you guys don't think i'm crazy. but there it is.. story of my life.

...and i don't self-mutilate or whatever

la_angel

Well first, about the alleged asymmetry, your extremely mild asymmetry (some things you described I still could not see!) is completely normal. All humans have asymmetrical faces. And speaking of actors, I remember reading that some of the most successful actors (males) have extremely asymmetrical faces

The only asymmetry that may not be average would be the hairline you mentioned (but it was difficult to tell from the photos so I do not know for sure). But if that is a problem, why on earth are you wearing your hair spiked up? That problem can be fixed in a heartbeat simply by brushing your hair forward.

I would be more concerned about the acne than these other problems (some of which seem to be only in your head). If you're 19 it will clear some day, but if you can afford to do so, I would recommend you get help from a dermatologist for that. Over the counter products only use either benzoyl peroxide or salicylic acid... both of which are not very effective.

I'll let Robyne address some of the psychological things you're going through, but what I can say is that the childhood and teen years are the hardest for many, if not most, people. Unless you are the prom queen or star quarterback, just about everyone goes through experiences such as yours to one degree or another... so brighten up, you're not alone

You have a bright future! Think how lucky you are... you've lost the weight and your biggest problem (I'm talking about the acne, certainly not your imagined asymmetries) is something that can be corrected with the help of a dermatologist. Stop dwelling about the past (which you cannot change) and start pro-actively working on how you will live your life from now on. Cheer up, at 19 you're barely starting to live your life

robyne00

You should see a dermatologist. You are treating your face with no valid expertise (i.e.: treating for blackheads, when you are not sure you need to, and superficial blemishes appear to be your major concern). It appears you have acne vulgaris. See a dermatologist for additional info/confirmation. Amityroberts asked if you pick your face as well. Bad habit! If you do break it. Benzoyl peroxide, salicylic acid, and over the counter remedies work when someone has one minor blemish once in a blue moon, but not for an individual with multiple blemishes over the expanse of their face. Please do not get defensive (again). I am speaking professionally in this post, and truly attempting to assist you. Take my advice (and anyone elses) with a grain of salt. You are recruiting advice on this forum. Remember that.

You are young, and need to address your issues. NOW. See a psychologist first. If you need recommendations, I can steer you in the right direction. You will probably need to be referred to a psychiatrist as well, but you need someone to talk to. Both professionals should be working with you in conjunction. Take your mother up on her offer to take you to get help. You say you know what you need to do. Most people think they do. What do you think you need to do?

You were prepubescent when you were confident. We all change over time, especially due to hormone changes and/or physical changes. It's normal and natural. Newsflash ... we all get teased as kids in one way or another at some point. Get over the "chubbybutt" remark asap. Talk to someone who can help you. If this is still bothering you, you might think you know what you need to do but either truly do not know what to do, do not know how to go about it, and/or continue to hamper your interpersonal relationships as it is where you are used to being mentally speaking.

At the beginning of high school you were suffering from social anxiety as well as serious self esteem issues. Common for a high schooler. Not for a young grown man though. I believe you also were practicing projection of your ideals and/or ideas of self unto others to confirm your perceptions.

The girls that spoke to you down the line that used to call you names had matured. You had (and have) not.

Good looking and bad looking people liead fantastic lives. Why are you comparing yourself with celebs? If you want to, then look at Bill Gates and Donald Trump, to name two offhand. Wealthy and successful (in different ways by different means), but neither one is attractive. Yes, good looking people have certain advantages, but you cannot use that as your argument. It is weak. You need to address your mental health issues before going under the knife, so to speak. I deal with many people everyday (medically as well as mentally) who simply need to speak to someone ... not spend a plethora of cash on plastic surgery.

Quick question ... where is your Dad? You told your "whole" story and only mentioned your mother. Just curious. PM me if personal. Only answer if you wish to.

I don't think you're crazy. I do think you need mental help. Feel free to PM me. You need to talk to someone. No time as good as the present. Plus, as per your theory, I obviously care, because there is no exchange of funds when I submit my replies to you.

__________________
I am an unpaid volunteer super moderator. I receive no remuneration from this site. Although I am a medical professional, any recommendations, statements, advice, or opinions I provide are mine, and mine alone. Consult carefully with the medical professional of your choice. All statements, recommendations, opinions, and advice expressed by me are mine personally – independent of the site and made as a forum member only – and do not necessarily reflect those of PlasticSurgerySpot.com.

littleturtle

first of all, i appreciate your reply and the others..

i'm not denying i have acne, but i don't think it's thaaat bad where i need to see a dermatologist.. but i will consider it if my acne hasn't got any better in the next month or so. what you're seeing mostly is scars from acne within the last 4-6 weeks. i've only started using those products i've mentioned around 2 weeks ago. my face feels a lot smoother and the acne does seem controllable now. i still get few jaw pimples every now and then but that's it.

what i need to do is to start living life and break out of this shell i've sheltered myself with. i need to start socializing with people and learn how to really speak to all people and not just those i'm close with. like i said, i usually just surround myself with a group of people and that's it. i need to get to that point where i can feel comfortably being around people (which i don't). i need and really really really want to be happy. if i can get that confident i once had back, then i'll be happy like that one time when i was a kid. the world's an ugly place for ugly people, i honestly don't know if YOU know that. i'm sorry but you keep mentioning how good looking and bad looking people both lead fantastic lives. i mean do i really have to become just as successful as bill gates or donald trump to live a fantastic life?

"..practicing projection of your ideals and/or ideas of self unto others to confirm your perceptions.." < can you explain this? i don't fully understand..

i don't see from my previous post where i compared myself to celebrities at all. when i said good looking people, i meant just your average citizen (except good looking) getting better treatment. take this for example.. i was ordering food from this place around a couple of weeks ago. there was this good looking guy (no homo) in front of me in the line. the old lady was super nice to him and even adressed him as sir. when it was was my turn to order, it's like the smile on her face just vanished and she wanted to get my order finished with as soon as possible. it really made feel like sh!t. do you see what i'm trying to say about the unfair treatment and goodlooking people leading better lives?

my dad's around and lives with us.. i have had issues with hin in the past, and i've discussed this with my mom but that's in the past. we get along fine now.

questions:
when is it considered reasonable to get cosmetic sugeries?
why exactly do i need mental help? am i not allowed to have some sorta emotional pain?

it's actually funny how you mentioned bill gates. i read this list he has of the top 11 things he's learned in life the other day. the first one was "life's not fair, deal with it." i could either learn to face the fact that i'm ugly and will always receive unfait treatment/judgement from society or i could do something about it. i've made up my mind that i'm going to do this. i'm willing to pay the price it cost because i know it's going to improve so many aspects of my life for the better.

..and thank you for caring

robyne00

It's good that your acne is improving, but if I were you, I'd see a dermatologist. It's counterproductive and not very cost effective using otc products.

Yoe keep harping on how attractive people do live life with certain advantages. I agree with this, as I stated earlier in this thread, however, if you feel ugly you will project a negative vibe. It is obvious when people feel good about themselves they are able to project that positivity outward. Speaking to someone will definitely help you with your social anxiety issues.

You stated: "..practicing projection of your ideals and/or ideas of self unto others to confirm your perceptions. can you explain this? i don't fully understand..". This is directly related to what is stated the the paragraph above. You feel bad about yourslef, so you project this negativity outward. When others respond in kind (which is a natural human reaction), you have received the negative reaction of which you beagn the cycle.

Also, I am not a homosexual, but I found it odd that when you told the story about "ordering food from this place around a couple of weeks ago", you felt it was necessary to delineate his sexuality. Why is that important regarding his looks? How do you know he was not gay? I think you might expect others to treat you poorly based upon your past experiences as well as your social anxieties and poor self esteem. I know many good looking people who get treated poorly because they are nasty and feel their good looks allow them carte blanche to act in this negative fashion. I also know many physically unattractive people who are comfortable with themselves and thusly can be polite and kind. These people are treated well. Then there are people like yourself, who feel "ugly". If you were able to accept what you perceive to be physical limitations, and begin working on your issues things would be better for you.

To respond to your questions:

It is reasonable to get cosmetic surgery when you have identified a physical problem, done adequate research about the surgery and surgeons, and your mental health is not compromised.

We are all allowed to have emotional pain. You seem to view psychological help with a stigma. You should not. It saves lives and helps people to advance and progress. Look into it.

Do not be so quick to run into getting plastic surgery, when a lot of your healing needs to be addressed from within.

__________________
I am an unpaid volunteer super moderator. I receive no remuneration from this site. Although I am a medical professional, any recommendations, statements, advice, or opinions I provide are mine, and mine alone. Consult carefully with the medical professional of your choice. All statements, recommendations, opinions, and advice expressed by me are mine personally – independent of the site and made as a forum member only – and do not necessarily reflect those of PlasticSurgerySpot.com.

la_angel

When we are treated badly, we often try and look for reasons as to why it occurred (our looks, ethnicity, etc) but often times, it has nothing to do with those reasons. Who knows, maybe she knew the other kid and he was a frequent customer? While it's true that she might have been nicer to him because of his looks, it's best to not jump to conclusions and assume you know the reason.

As Robyne pointed out, plastic surgery is only appropriate when a person is mentally (and financially) prepared. Even if you do have tens of thousands to spend on this, it doesn't sound like you are mentally fit to be undergoing any operations yet IMO.

Why not trust our advice about dermatology and start there before surgery? Remember we were teens at one time too and also suffered acne... trust us we know what works and what doesn't A dermatologist can also help you get rid of those acne scars.

Mr. Z

The area you circled way to the side of your cheek, there is not anything you can do about that area anyway. Trust me your face will change majorly in the not so distant future. If you are no longer overweight then there will be less fat on your face as you get older. I don't know what you are planning to change your cheeks but I wouldn't do anything to them at all right now. I also don't see any out of the ordinary asymmetry there.

I agree too that the acne and acne scars are the physical change that would help you the most. Whatever you do don't go on accutane because there are nasty side effects with that, I know from my own past use of it. One side effect is depression and that is the last thing you need right now. Any dermatologist should be able to prescribe you antibiotics and topical products that will be able to clear it up.

Good luck!

littleturtle

good advices... i'll work on the skin condition first. i don't even have the money for the operation yet. i planned on earning it after this school year. i'll get back to you guys in november-december and update you with my decisions..

wish me luck

robyne00

Yes, definitely keep us posted. Best of luck to you!!!

__________________
I am an unpaid volunteer super moderator. I receive no remuneration from this site. Although I am a medical professional, any recommendations, statements, advice, or opinions I provide are mine, and mine alone. Consult carefully with the medical professional of your choice. All statements, recommendations, opinions, and advice expressed by me are mine personally – independent of the site and made as a forum member only – and do not necessarily reflect those of PlasticSurgerySpot.com.

behave

if ur jaw is not corrected during teen years, u can end up with depression and anxiety...

i had braces which straightened my teeth. but now im looking into extemsive jaw surgery, because im depressed about my jaw, and its holding me back, so i need 2 fix it..